Meet the Lovings

In a dysfunctional world of chaos, kids shooting kids, child and spousal abuse, and the rat race in general, I am happy to say that I have found the exception to what seems to be becoming the rule in our society. This being the “Loving Family”. I didn’t find them through some kind of sociological study.  I found them in the toy department at Toys R Us and Wall Mart.  Yes…there is hope for the children of America.  These people…even though they stand only six inches tall as full-grown adults, can be purchased and given to every American child.  The secret is out!  Actually, if you take a closer look, you will find that the Loving Family characters were not manufactured in America, so I suppose you could consider them immigrants of sorts, as they were figuratively speaking, birthed in China according to the stamp on each family member’s foot. I didn’t realize this until they’d “moved in”, however. At any rate, I’m sure they are naturalized citizens, or at least their paperwork is in order, because it is quite obvious that this family is productive, healthy and well fed…and obliviously not on a diet of top Raman or county surplus staples.  Even grandma shows no signs of calcium deficiency, and although grandpa is graying at the temples…he stands straight and tall.  So in looking for a toy that would be both fun and therapeutic for my granddaughter Kristy to use as play therapy, I was delighted to come upon this wonderful and rare find.    I must add that the family was scattered between two locations in two different communities, but we finally did get them all together, grandma, grandpa, and daddy being the most difficult to find.  Yes, reunification can be a beautiful thing.  I’m sure this group simply left the orient on different ships heading for the land of the free and the home of the indulged child.  But, alas and alack, now that we have them all together, life is much sweeter at a nuclear loving family level, and activities are increasing.  I’d like to introduce them.
Meet Grandpa Loving…His first name is Jim.  He works at the local hardware store.  He has been there for years because he is a dependable and steadfast employee.  He pays his bills on time, and buys his wife a bouquet of flowers at the supermarket at least twice a month.  He is Mr. Handyman himself and has his own fine set of wood working tools at home.  He has built his granddaughter a dollhouse and takes delight in making wooden toys for his grandson and charity donations.  He has been faithfully married to his childhood sweetheart, Mrs. Betty Jean Loving for 35 years.  Grandpa Loving’s head only turns right to left for “no”.  When Betty Jean says, “Dear, is the house messy?”, he says no.  When she says, “Did I spend too much money on the grandbabies at Toys R Us today?” he shakes his head no.  When she asks, “Are you sorry you married me instead of Shirley Simmons?” He shakes his head no.  When the grandkids ask if they have to go to bed early when he babysits, he shakes his head no.  What a cool grandpa.
Mrs. Betty Jean Loving, or Grandma, works mornings as a teacher’s aid at the local preschool run by the church she and Mr. Loving have attended for 20 years.  This gives her time to keep her Loving Family Home (It can also be purchased at Toys R Us with all the amenities,)  clean and tidy and full of the smells of good cooking and creative works. Grandpa Loving knows he can always look forward to a clean home and the smell of good food cooking when he walks in the door at night.  Grandma and Grandpa are the perfect example of mutual respect.  Grandma never lets Grandpa leave the house without a goodbye kiss.  Grandma’s head only goes from right to left as well.  When Grandpa said, “Did you forget my mother’s birthday,” she shakes her head no.  When he asks, at bedtime, “Do you have a headache,” she says no.  When her adult children ask her if she minds babysitting, she says no.  When Grandpa asks his wife if she minds him going fishing for the weekend with the fellows, she says no.  Grandma and Grandpa are best friends.  They bike, hike and pic nic and often include the grandchildren in these activities.
Daddy is totally different.  He comes holding the baby.  He is a great Mommy helper.  His name is Jeff.  When you squeeze Jeff’s legs together his arms raise in the air to catch a ball, or hold the baby.  Take your choice. Jeff’s head only shakes for yes.  Jeff sells State Farm Insurance and his work schedule is perfectly designed for the family man.  He takes his children to the park and gives his wife a break from the three kids.  He is sensitive to the feelings of his wife and children.  At bedtime he reads stories to the twins, Joey and Jill.  Daddy always notices when Mother has a new dress or haircut.  He takes her out once a week to dinner while Grandma and Grandpa baby-sit.  When the twins ask Daddy to play horsie, he says yes.  When Mother asks if it is o.k. for her and her girlfriends to go to the mall while Daddy baby-sits, he shakes his head yes.  When Mother asks Dad if he’ll take a couple days off work and go to Vegas with her for a mini honeymoon, he shakes his head yes.  When mother asked father to get a vasectomy, he said “yes”.  What a guy!
Mother’s name is Trish.  She is perky, she is peppy, she is always in a great mood and full of energy.  She jogs and keeps the children involved in community activities.  She shows up every Tuesday morning at the library for story time.  She smiles and says, “good job”, even when the kids spill the milk.  She never yells at daddy or the kids.  She volunteers at the local hospital one afternoon a week while grandma baby-sits.  She shakes her head “no” too.  When the pastor at the local church asked if she’d mind teaching Sunday school, she said, “no”.  When Daddy asks her if she’d mind taking the car in for an oil change, she said, “no”.  When the kids ask if she minded them bringing three friends on a family excursion, she shakes her head “no”.  When the mailman asked her if she fooled around when Daddy was at work, she shook her head no.  What a mom!
The twins, fraternal of course, Joey and Jill, shake their heads no too.  Sounds like a lot of fixed signs astrologically speaking, in this family.  You’d think the Lovings would be at each other’s throats, whether they turn right or left or up and down…but they aren’t.  The twins play together nicely.  They say no a lot, but so do most preschoolers.  When Mommy asks Joey if he pulled Jill’s hair, he says no.  When Mommy asks Jill if she took Joey’s bear, she says no.  When Mommy asks who spilled the milk on the floor, both Jill and Joey shake their heads “no”.  Mommy then smiles and says, “Daddy, did you spill the milk?”, and of course, he can only shake his head yes.  This works.
Last of all is Baby Loving.  Baby Boo Boo loving.  They call the baby Boo Boo, because it is cute and because he was a boo boo.  That is why Daddy got the vasectomy.  Baby boo boo says no too and kicks his feet.  His diaper is always clean. Daddy holds him a lot.  Jill and Joey give him their toys.  They put them on his head in his crib.  This includes large stuffed bears.  That is because they love him.  This is the Loving Family.  That is where Dr. Loving comes in.  He is Daddy’s brother.  He also delivered Jill, Joey and Boo Boo.  He also gave Daddy Loving his surgical procedure.  He shakes his head no too.  When Mother or Father asks, “is there a charge”, he says, “no, we’re family”.  When Joey and Jill clunk baby on the head and take him to Dr. Loving and ask if there is brain damage “this time”, he smiles and shakes his head “no”.  When Mother, Father, Grandma and Grandpa want to all go out to an event without the kids and ask Dr. Loving to watch his niece and nephews, he smiles and shakes his head “no”, but tells him that he still loves them anyway, and whips out his fat wallet and gives them a twenty dollar bill for childcare outside the family.  Daddy smiles and shakes his head “yes” and grabs the money.
Yes…it is true…there is a loving family out there for all of us.  And today, ours just got a new van equipped with a picnic basket and stroller and seatbelts for Kristy’s fourth birthday.  What can I say!  Well…actually, the van says it.  You push this button and it plays, “To grandmother’s house we go!”  And believe me…they’ve arrived!  Awesome!