THE ADVENTURES OF REX THE WONDER ENGINEER:

THE FLIGHT

After another hour of hopeless confusion the crew is ready to start engines. Joe the Boomer has vomited 6 more times, Rex has soiled his flying coveralls with somewhat solid flatus, the AC has embarrased himself repeatedly on the radio, and the creature they call "copilot" has entered 9 completely wrong waypoints into the INS(yesterdays flight plan).
23 minutes later Captain Tinkle initiates a smooth 2 second rotation and the airplane virtually leaps off of the runway into the moist Arkansas sky. "Crew this will be a non-standard climb pr0file up to three-five", says the boss man....."No shit, thinks Rex as the overspeed warning sounds intermittently....the landing lights tear off as the airplane accellerates through 390 KIAS and Rex unstraps to go to the latrine to sqeeze off another boom operator. Old Joe the Boomer snores happily in the red seats while the passengers rummage around looking for their lunches. Everything is normal. The FE panels flies itself as Rex reads the morning paper, cheeks a-flexin, giving birth to another Texan.

At 25000 feet, the cabin diff reaches the limit, since numb-nuts Rex left the pressurization mode in "ignore" and several passengers are screaming with pain and fear. This wakes up Joe the Boomer, who is startled to find that he's been asleep for 45 minutes with his mouth wide open and his hand around his tool. "Shut up SHUT UP!!!!" Joe is screaming into the PA microphone "Everybody sit down and shut up!!!!" He runs up to the cockpit and begins to beat on Rex's head with the hot cup. The cabin rate of climb is 4000FPM and the copilots eardrum tissues are actually protruding from his ears. Rex doesn't notice anything really since his eardrums were destroyed by syphillis back in the Clark days but his head is beginning to hurt from being bonked with the fucking HOT CUP....."AAAAHHHHH. YOU FUCKING SHITSTAIN!!!!!"Rex grabs his 5 cell maglight and bounces it off of Joes head, slinging gobs of Vitalis all over the cockpit, and propelling Joe into the cabin where he collides with a brain-dead crew chief from North Carolina; they then both fall to the deck with Joe puking and shitting himself in full view of 12 astonished and hungry space-A hobos.

While this situation is unfolding in the cabin, the big three-holer is shooting through 35,000 feet like the fucking space shuttle. The creature called copilot suddenly realizes that he is totally alone in the cockpit, the AC having gone to the baggage pallet to retrieve his new copy of Golf Digest, and the FE, good old Rex, is back in the cabin furiously kicking Joe the Boomer in the buttocks, whilst the passengers hoot with glee and munch their soggy horse-cock sandwitches.

Our new hero, copilot, he of the puke stained helmet bag, former skywarrior of the T-1 world, initiates a minus one G pushover and all occupants of the airplane, except for Copilot the magnificent, who somehow remembered to fasten his seat belt before takeoff, are now on the ceiling, plastered there amidst barf, coffee, ASIF snacks, and Rex and Joe have finally quit beating on each other.

After 6 violent pitch oscillations, ranging in intensity from minus 2 to 6 positive Gs, the intrepid Lieutenant brings the rogue jet under some semblance of control and engages good old George, the enlisted flyer's best friend. Joe the Boomer is back in a red seat a few minutes later, snoring peacefully, once again, and the Space-A hobos are going back to their poker game. Captain Tinkle is desperately wiping hot coffee away from his face and groin area, and Rex is preparing a can of VanKamps Beenie Weenies for consumption. All is well again.
TO BE CONTINUED SOON............................................